They say the mind is a slowly replenishing photographic film. It knows only what it is exposed to, chooses to like or dislike in a completely arbitrary fashion and reasons with conviction why it chose to like or dislike.
x and y became roommates about two years ago in a working men’s paying guest. Very usual lives they had. x is a follower of a YouTuber named infinite mind. y is a follower of none and just scrolls the feeds of social media until he feels hungry or very sleepy.
They are never going to be friends in this story’s scope or in their entire life. The fact that they both have similar circadian rhythm kept them together in that room.
21:28 Aug 25th, 2019
“Why are you having a lock in your phone?”, x asked y.”So, you have a lot to hide in there.”
“I do have.”, y thought and said the same.
“I see. I don’t have any such things. You can check my chats, messages and so on. here.”
“Umm, it is not just that. I have logged in to my banking and social media apps.”
“Very convenient reason indeed. L O L”
“What? What is wrong in hiding personal things from the world?”
“If your mind has something that is termed bad when the outer world knows about it, Your soul is corrupted.”
“Okay, I am happy with my corrupt mind then.”, y went back to scrolling.
“Watch this. You will understand what I’m talking about”, x shared a video of infinite mind.
04:12 Oct 6th, 2019
y woke up at a very early morning. He realized he heard the sound of someone sobbing. He found x, not in his bed. His phone was on his bed. The bathroom light was off.
y thought for a second and went back to sleep.
19:03 Nov 1st, 2019
They were having a cool conversation.
“Yeah… This was one good Diwali. My cousins came to my house. We did a lot of crazy stuff like we used to do in our childhood.”, y was saying about his Diwali holiday experience.
“Crazy stuff? What crazy stuff?”, x asked with a big smile.
“Huh… like we launched a Diwali rocket onto our uncle’s balcony and annoyed him. Haha. You should have seen his face. He was so pissed off. Especially when we laughed as he was talking.”
“Oh.. He has a lot of vengeance in his heart right now.”
“Haha. Yeah, decades of vengeance. That guy does not even give back the cricket ball when we hit that into his compound.”
x thought deep about that. He looked intense while doing that.
“Did I say anything wrong? What are you thinking?“, y asked.
“He never yelled at you or do anything to hurt you back?”
“Haha. No. He just stares. He is a starer. Maybe he is afraid of us Ha..”
“He needs help!”, x paused with his eyes locked at the wall in front of him.” He can’t just keep the anger within himself like that.”
“What? Are you sympathetic towards him? It was just a funny thing. I..”
“He is hurt and the pain induced is still inside his heart. I feel that. He needs to vent that pain out or else it will corrupt his soul.”.
y thought about changing his room. But continued.
“Ok, I will say sorry next time I see him. Alright?”
“A sorry? Just sorry? He lost his happiness many times all these years because of you. What are you losing by doing just a sorry? You have to suffer the same he went through. That is fair.”
“What did you do for Diwali?”, y asked looking for other paying guests in that area in his smartphone.
“I bought a lot of cakes, biscuits, slices of bread and gave it to all the hungry in my home town. I did that all day. I felt great that day and slept well after so long. You should do too. I will send a video about this infinite mind talking. Don’t ignore this one.”
“Okay, I will do. Good night.”
02:47 Nov 29th, 2019
y came back from some party. Unlocked the door and found x, not in his bed. The bathroom was not lit. His phone was charging. He felt like checking the terrace for x, went and pressed the button for the lift. The lift did not come. y went to sleep.
07:47 Dec 4th, 2019
“Hey, I saw some infinite mind guys around in our office yesterday. They are conducting some mind training on our campus I guess.”
“Oh really? It is growing so fast you see? I am happy that many people come to know about “infinite mind”. And… You are attending this!! You have to. I attended my first class 2 years ago. I was never the same again. You have to. Will you?”
“I will think about it.”
“Oh. I am still worried about your uncle. You hurt him a lot. It can’t be left undone.”, x started.
“The Diwali rocket uncle?”
“Yes. Come sit here.”, x called y to sit near him in his bed. “Do not freak out. I am going to show you a video. Watch this with an open mind.”
“A video? No.. I’ve to go to office early today.”
x started playing that video. y tried to listen. Infinite mind was talking.
“Your mind is like a photographic film. What it is exposed to, stays there. There are ignorant people who fake their sorrow, happiness, love and what not! Do not stop the beautiful stream. Do not question the stream. Let it go. Do not hold. Find a way and let them all go. Emotions are beautiful devils. The more you cage the devils, the more devil you become.”, the video went on for another 20 minutes.
“So, when you hold an emotion, it corrupts the mind? Like, when you hold anger it grows and makes you burst one day. Is that it?”, y tried to summarise the takeaway.
“No. you are wrong. Do not try to interpret what he said. It demeans. Just enjoy his sayings and feel it”.
“Umm… Alright. I’m a bit confused now…”
“See, attend that class for me. I will pay for that. Please. You need help!”
00:34 Dec 5th, 2019
y came late from the office. The room light was off. x was not in his bed. The bathroom was not lit. His mobile was on his bed. His mobile beeped for a message. y got curious and peeped onto the screen a bit. It was a random message from his service provider.
He opened the bathroom door.
“Hey.. hey… Just a minute.”, x was inside.
y shut the door.
“Oh my god. What are you doing in the dark? Should I switch on the light?”
“No no. wait.”
y waited there puzzled. y used the floor’s common bathroom and got into his bed. He couldn’t sleep this time. He went back and knocked on the bathroom door. It was closed from inside.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Wait, I will be in a minute. Go to your bed.”
y smelled a very mild odor of blood. It was always there in the room in a very subtle form that y could not recognize.
“Hey, Are you hurting yourself in there?”, y asked in a very mild and cautious voice.
“Yes. I said, Go to your bed. Do not disturb me. Do not switch on the lights. Go to your bed and sleep.”
“Let us talk. I will listen to you.”
“I am facing my inner demons which you are hiding inside and sleep with peacefully.”
“What demons? See. Come out now. Let’s get out to get some fresh air. Let’s go to that chai shop. Have a fresh cup of tea and talk.”
“Okay. five more minutes.”,x came out and handed over the bike keys to y.
01:52 Same day. The Chai shop
“You are very depressed.”, y asked. “Anything happened that I don’t know of?”
“I was crying. Now I feel okay. I cry every night. I can’t sleep before crying. It adds up. The pain, disappointment, and hurts. At the end of every day. I have to let them go. Everybody should do to keep the soul pure.”
“And, why are you hurting yourself?”, y asked pointing to a pendant x was wearing. “Give me that for a second.”. x handed over the pendent from his chain. y had a look at it. “So, this pendant is a franchise product of infinite mind. This is what you use to hurt yourself?”
“The mere act of cryings sometime is not sufficient to vent out all my emotions”
“Okay. Let’s talk about that infinite mind. Please don’t repel just because I am opposing your belief. You keep watching his talks and that influences you a lot. I am not seeing a point in crying every day assuming it gets all bad thoughts out of you. If you are not happy. Just stop doing that. Can’t you look around you? There are normal people without any spiritual guidance who lead a happy life without a Guru’s preachings. Why can’t you?”
x looked at the sky with wet eyes.
“Imagine you are very thirsty and you are looking for water to drink. You come out to find that all the shops nearby were already closed. A frog wants to help you and tells you that there is plenty of water to drink in the ditch.”
“Okay. I’m the frog here. Mmm…”
“A frog’s quality of life is different from a human being. I wish I can become a human being. I am not good enough. Maybe I will never be. Maybe I will end up giving up. In the end, at least I tried.”, x made an empty smile. He got up very tired and started walking.
y followed him.
05:32 Same day.
y woke up to loud knocks on his door. x was not in his bed. His phone was charging. It was the maintenance guy at the door.
“Your friend jumped off your window and died”
“What? When?”, y asked thinking about changing the room. It was too late though.
“Half an hour ago. We got him to the nearest hospital. He died there. The police asked to keep this room closed. Go to your neighbor room and wait there.”, He said and left.
He stood there very confused and baffled. x’s phone beeped with a random service provider message. y took x’s phone. It was unlocked. Opened WhatsApp. x had recently sent a message to one of his friends’ group.
It read, “I have been suffering from a major depressive disorder that I could not cope up with anymore. Everyone has the right to have their beliefs. Do not mock them. Do not belittle them. I am a proud infinite minder. Infinite mind helped me discover myself and the purpose of my life. My roommate y kept insulting my Guru, his sayings and my rituals which created immense pain day after day to me. It has become unbearable today. Every pain needs to be answered. y is responsible for my loss.”. It also attached a video of infinite mind.
“Should have changed this room a long back ago.”, He said to himself out loud.
y checked the seen status of that message. No one. He long-pressed and clicked Delete for all. x had recordings of his cries spelling y’s name a lot of times. y deleted those recordings.
He heard voices on the ground floor. There were 2 policemen entering the compound gate.
y opened x’s facebook and found a post there posted half an hour ago. It had mentionings about y. y deleted that post.
He found a diary laying over x’s bed. Skimmed through them. It contained a lot of rants and things about y. “Mind is not the place for demons. Cry them out!”, “Y, You are a demon zookeeper!!”. Tossed the diary out to the nearby wasteland. He searched for more. He also found a written letter under the pillow.
The letter read, “Dear y, the purpose and way of life which I lead and the soul I carry…”, y did not have time for that. Crushed that and threw that out on wasteland. He took x’s favorite notebook and found a lot of doodles saying, “He is Y and he is responsible!”. He could hear the police coming up in the steps. y is tired now. He collected all x’s notebooks. Only half of them went through the window’s metal bars. He threw them.
“Hey…”, a rough voice shouted at the door.”Come out!”. y walked with the remaining notebooks towards the policeman. The police looked at y with at most conviction and grabbed him by his shirt. “What are you throwing away? Important proofs? You are dead meat now.”
“Sir, it’s the next room, sir.”, Police B said as he was walking in the corridor. The angry police dragged y closer by his shirt. “I will kill you!”, He shouted.
y heard the crying sound in the bathroom again.
“Who is that inside? HEY!!!”, he opened the bathroom door. x was half asleep leaning on the bathroom mirror and sobbing. “Hey!! You!! come out!”, the police now grabbed x’s shirt.
07:34 Same day. The station of police.
x and y were taken to a police station as suspects involved in unusual activities around the site of crime. It turned out to be a guy named z staying in the nearby room killed himself. He was following a cult named the umbrella lead by the Guru called the holder. After seven years of being a part of that spiritual group, z went into a deep depression and the police could not find any particular reason for him to kill himself. (Or someone named w from z’s room threw away the proofs.)
“Sir, I was just cleaning the room, sir. I did not do anything sir.”,y said to the police.
“What about you? Why were you crying mysteriously at the crime scene?”, the police asked x.
“I was cleaning my soul sir. Tears wash the soul. The soul gets dark again. We need to wash the soul again. Just like how we take bath every day sir? Just like that. There is a video in which infinite mind explains this beautiful sir.”
“Who is infinite mind?”, the police were puzzled.
“Here sir”, x started playing a video.